Monday, June 6, 2011

Restraining Together 4.17.2011


Here we are, at the end of this study on One Another Commands. We’ve been looking at these for the past two months, and I have heard good feedback from people who are wrestling with various elements of living these out. I’m really glad about that, because at points, as I was preparing these messages, I wondered if I was the only one who struggled with them!

I know, some weeks have been good and fun to listen to, and other weeks have had more of a pointed almost meddling feel. However, even as we get together in a little bit for our quarterly meeting, I’m convinced that if we truly want to have a church that is able to move forward and one that we are excited to attend each week and one that we feel appropriately proud to invite our family, friends, and associates to, we must work at practicing these commands as we get together and as we interact with one another.

As we’ve evaluated around twenty different concepts, my prayer really is that this will be the beginning of us working on these, and not just a one time “shot in the arm” that we’ll quickly forget and move beyond!

Here are the topics that we’ve looked at so far, and the one we’ll conclude with today.

Hanging together
Serving together
Playing nice together
Challenging together
Restraining together

Under the section I am calling Restraining Together, there are several different commands. I thought about splitting them up into two groups and coming back to the series after Easter but then determined it would probably be best to wrap this up this week so we can start something new after Easter. Most of what we’ve covered over the past six months has come from the New Testament. My thought is that we’ll take some time to look at some Old Testament passages in the upcoming weeks and months. I’d appreciate your prayers as I seek to follow the Lord’s leading in choosing the right books to study and to interact with you!

So, today, we’ll look at these six commands in three groups since the concepts are very similar between some of the commands.

Restraining Together
·    Bear with one another                                                                         Ephesians 4:2
·    Forgive one another                                                                              Colossians 3:13
·    Don’t pass judgment on one another                                              Romans 14:13
·    Don’t grumble against one another                                                 James 5:9
·    Don’t lie to one another                                                                        Colossians 3:9
·    Don’t speak evil against one another                                              James 4:11


The Apostle Paul wrote both Ephesians and Colossians to groups of Christians who were like you and me. They wrestled with many of the same issues that we deal with. Their churches had people who were in cliques and who didn’t want to reach out to others. They had groups of people who followed the Lord and those who were selfish and followed what they wanted. They had people who didn’t like certain believers or who didn’t get along with others, and on and on the parallels go.

As we’ve mentioned before, though, Paul is clear in calling people back to the core values of our faith and the basics of what we are supposed to do. I love how in this Ephesians passage, Paul uses a little leverage on the people in this particular congregation as he reminds them that they should “be good” based on the extra struggles that he is having as a literal prisoner.

Eph. 4:1   I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,  2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,  3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Also, as we’ve talked about several times, these One Another Commands are really intertwined as Paul covers several of the terms that we’ve looked at in previous weeks. In this particular passage, Paul challenges us to look deep within ourselves to remember that God has saved us and called us to be part of His family and that we need to live up to that reputation!

When I mention names like Ted/Bobby/John Kennedy, George/George W/Jeb Bush, Dale/Dale Jr. Earnhardt, Billy/Franklin/Anne Graham, Muhammad/Laila Ali, (Queen) Elizabeth/(Princess) Diana/(Prince) William, Adlai/Edward Sr./Ed Jr. Rust, what do you think of?

You know those names and families by the kind of lives they live. They have certain reputations to live up to and certain codes of life to live by. In the same way, as a person who calls yourself a follower of Jesus the Christ, we are expected to live lives that reflect our family heritage and our family’s values.

Paul touches here on words that should look familiar: humility, gentleness, patience, unity, and peace…other one another commands. In the middle of this “review passage”, Paul adds that we need to bear with one another. Now, just so you’re clear…he is NOT saying “be a bear towards one another”!!! Rather, we need to bear with/put up with/let it go as others in the body don’t live up to our standards.

Around our house, it seems like I have to often tell the kids, “Really, as a teenager, you’re going to let your 2, 4, or 6 year old brother irritate you?” or, “Really, you’re going to get into an argument with one of the little ones over something simple?”

When I back away from the situation, it can be pretty funny to see a high schooler arguing with a pre schooler! However, if I’m not SUPER careful, I can find myself arguing with a teenager about their argument with a baby!

It’s a LONG story, but this week, one of my high school kids at work got into a shouting match with a 50-year-old relative. The 50-year-old, got so mad that she started punching the teen, and then bounced his head multiple times on the floor hard enough that he got a concussion. The police were called; the 50-year-old was arrested and spent the night in jail. The incredibly tragic “rest of the story”…everyone involved in the scuffle claims to be a Christian!

In a situation where the older person should have been able to bear with the younger person, she didn’t and it had a terrible ending. Sure, this is pretty extreme, but this is exactly what Paul is warning us to avoid as we bear with each other…whether we agree with them or not!

Of course, Paul isn’t saying we need to bear with heresy or sin, but there are a lot of issues that aren’t matters of salvation or sin that although we may disagree about, we need to still get along!

Over in Colossians, Paul repeats several of these now familiar commands, and again tells us to bear with one another.

Col. 3:12   Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,  13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Here, Paul takes things a step further…not only do we need to bear with each other, but we MUST forgive each other…how? [as God forgives us]. Paul acknowledges that we WILL have complaints against one another. Trust me, with ten kids, I understand families having complaints…music choice, level of cleanness in a shared bedroom, who gets which vehicle to get to work or a date, what we’re going to eat for a particular meal, he stole my toy/brush/CD, she’s sitting in my seat, your dog was in my room, you didn’t put the books/videos/toys/food away after you were done…you get the point!

Here at church, though, the same things can happen, and Paul is clearly commanding us that in the same exact way that we are celebrating this week…Jesus forgave us totally by going to the cross to pay the penalty of our sins. That’s HUGE. That’s HARD. That’s TRUE FORGIVENESS. The concept here is multi-faceted…if God has already forgiven someone through Christ, who are we to not forgive them too? Also, if we have been forgiven totally by God, we should extend that same forgiveness to others as well! The bottom line is that we should not hold grudges against other believers…whether something that happened between our grandparents in 1947, between our parents in 1977, or even between our generation that happened in 2007 or even on April 17.

In Romans, Paul further defines these concepts of bearing with others and forgiving them by instructing us to not judge others.

Rom. 14:12 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. 13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.

Have you ever been judged for how you do something at work, how you raise your kids, how you spend your money, what you wear, etc…? Sure, each of us have been judged by others! How does that make you feel?

Again, Paul doesn’t pull any punches…just a clear statement: DO NOT JUDGE OTHERS! Then, he ups the requirement…not only should we not judge others, but we shouldn’t try to set someone else up in order to “make them judgable”.

I don’t know what list of sins you have in your “good Christians never do these”…but just because these are some that many consider bad…don’t sneak over in the night to a friend’s house to throw beer cans, cigarettes, lottery tickets, or the bulletin from the AC church by their car or in their yard so you can then judge them for what they’re doing wrong.

I know, this sounds CRAZY, but it was evidently happening or Paul wouldn’t have to scold them for it!

In the same manner, James instructs us to not grumble against others.

James 5 9 Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door. 

Again, the motive for not grumbling is because, as soon as we’re done grumbling and judging someone else, GOD Himself is standing nearby and He will take care of justice for our actions towards someone else!

The last two passages we will read today carry on the same theme of God the Creator and Judge being right with us in order to encourage us to keep from treating one another wrongly.


Col 3:8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.  9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

James 4:11   Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge.  12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

These two commands: don’t lie to one another and don’t speak evil (or slander or bad-mouth) seem very simple and clear cut! Why would we do that? Yet, it often happens in churches…from the simple “white lies” that everything is going fine when you’re dying on the inside to the little bigger ones…we missed church last week because we were out of town…sure, you were out of Goodfield…you live in Eureka and you slept in…or you were skipping so you could get to the mall early.

Or, it can even progress to lying to make someone feel good…I’m reading a new book, “Transforming Church in Rural America: Breaking All the Rurals by Shannon O’Dell. It’s a GREAT book! One story he tells is about how in his church of about 30 or 40 people that at one of the business meetings, they unanimously voted that if the youth group (which had about a dozen kids in it) grew to 60, they could take the pews out of the sanctuary and replace them with chairs so they’d have room to do things. Guess what…one night, they had 81 kids there, and so that very night, they took the pews out! Despite the fact that the church members had voted unanimously to allow that to take place, what happened? CORRECT! People threw a MAJOR FIT! Their parents and grandparents would roll over in their graves to see the pews removed! But wait…those people lied…it really wasn’t OK to take the pews out, they thought it would never happen so they said it was fine…they needed to tell the truth.

I’ve seen it get much worse in other churches where I’ve served!
·      People lying about their motives when they did something inside or outside of church
·      Part of the Deacon board holding secret meetings to plot the overthrow of the pastor
·      People questioning a brother or sister’s salvation because they didn’t see things the same way
·      People working to get rid of someone in the church because they were new and didn’t deserve to serve in “my church”
·      People stealing money from the church or ministry and lying about it
·      People saying nasty things about someone else in order to get more people to do things their way
·      Even people doing illegal things and lying about who they were in order to get information they could use to bring down someone else in the church

Paul and James make it clear…Just Don’t Do It! Don’t lie, don’t slander, don’t mess with one another. Do things appropriately.


As we head into this holiest of weeks where today we celebrate Christ’s entrance into Jerusalem today; His Passover meal, His prayer in Gethsemane, and his trials on Thursday; His crucifixion on Friday; and His glorious resurrection on Sunday; I believe that these One Another Commands that we’ve studied over the past two months are critical for us to put into place! Over and over again, the apostles have told us that our motivation to love and serve and honor and forgive one another is based on Christ’s amazing love on the cross. Many times, we’re instructed to live out these hard truths in community with each other because Christ modeled them for us.

As you go through the next seven days, I challenge you to think through the issues in your life and the struggles that you have in obeying these commands in light of all that Jesus, God’s Son, our Savior went through in order to come from heaven to earth and from a baby born in a manger to a man dying and coming back to life in order to pay the penalty for what we have done.

As we gather together on Thursday night, I really encourage you to join us as we reflect on Christ’s work on the cross. We will be celebrating the Lord’s Supper together. We’ve invited those who come to our second service…our Extension Service to join us and you will have a great opportunity to interact with them…maybe you can even reach out to them and invite them back on Sunday.

As we sing this last song, I want to encourage you to think deeply about what Christ has done in your life through His work on the cross and think through how that salvation that He provided should continue to spur us on to want to Develop a Healthy Church as we Follow the “One Another Commands”. This is another song that may be new to a few of you, but the words are so deep and they remind us of our intense need to lay down ourselves as we kneel at the cross that Jesus died on. Feel free to just listen as Brooke Fraser sings or join with her in that process of resubmitting yourself to the Lord.

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